Are they ass? The Unfiltered local NFL draft preview you’ve been waiting for

We are a little late to the table here in Mock Draft season. That’s on us. But if we’re being honest most Utah, BYU and other Utah-related players won’t be drafted tonight in the first round, so you’ll have plenty of time to get educated on their NFL prospects.

Now, some sites give players numeric scores to project their performance. Others give letter grades, while still others give projected draft rounds.

Here at Utah Unfiltered, we have a podcast segment called “Is it ass?” In case you’re not familiar with the term, it basically means “bad.” To use it in a sentence, you might say, “The officiating in Game 5 of the Jazz-Clippers series was ass.”

But sometimes you need a little nuance — there are, in fact, different degrees of ass, as we see it. With that in mind, we unveil our draft scale, from best-to-worst:

  • Definitely Not Ass
  • A Hint Of Ass
  • Half Ass
  • Pretty Much Ass
  • Total Ass

Now that we’ve got that cleared up, let’s get to it. Rankings provided by both Harry and Ray.

Garrett Bolles, T, Utah

Bolles is a first- or second-round in most mock drafts. Big, lumbering offensive tackle at 6-foot-5, 297 pounds and can move. He is also a former garage door repairmen so any holes you have on the front line, he can fix it. He also has a dotted juvenile delinquent history, but he’s been in jail before, so that means he’s tough, right? He originally enrolled at Snow College and quickly became a top-rated prospect across the country before getting to the U. He was brought in by another family, served an LDS mission and is married with one child (family guy). Is he Michael Oher 2.0? You can’t say he isn’t at this point.

GRADE: Definitely Not Ass

 

Marcus Williams, FS Utah

Williams was All-Pac-12 the last two years, and racked up a team-high 5 picks and 46 solo tackles from the Free Safety position — no small feat — in 2016 before declaring as a junior. The knock on him is that he’s a bit light at 195 lbs. And some teams allegedly don’t like safeties under 200. You call it light, I call it nimble. He’s only 20 years old, plenty of time to beef up and hit the old steroid needle. Plus, I like my safeties to come from the hood. They hit harder in the hood, everyone knows that, and Corona, Calif., Williams’ hometown, definitely qualifies.

GRADE: Definitely Not Ass.

 

Isaac Asiata, G, Utah

Asiata won the PAC-12’s award for the top offensive lineman last year. He’s also the younger brother of Matt Asiata for the Vikings. So you know he comes from, you guessed it, good stock. Isaac, compared to his running back brother, is a bit more low-key thicc weighing in at 323 pounds and running a 5.34 40. According to CBS, Isaac has “broad shoulders and thick limbs.” Not sure exactly what “thick limbs” means, but he’ll take up space. He’s also an older prospect than most at 24 years old after serving a one-year mission. But only one year? In my book, missions are supposed to be two years so you have to have some commitment concerns. Was going to grade him as “definitely not ass” but seeing as his name only contains ⅔ of the word, he’s downgraded to…

GRADE: A Hint Of Ass

 

Jamaal Williams, RB BYU

A lot to like from a guy who averaged almost 6 yards per carry and totaled 1,375 yards — good for 5th nationally per game — and 12 TD’s against a pretty tough BYU schedule. He ran a semi-respectable 4.59 40 at the combine, and his mother was a sprinter at UCLA, so another guy with good stock going for him, which is nice. What he doesn’t have going for him is that this is a ridiculously deep draft at running back, so he’ll likely be a late-round flier, especially after missing nearly all of 2015 with a serious knee injury.

GRADE: A Hint Of Ass

 

Harvey Langi, DE/LB, BYU

Langi might be my sleeper pick here. According to some, Langi has been “shooting up draft boards.” There sometimes isn’t a more exciting prospect than one who gets better after their college playing days and Langi fits that bill. Langi has been a force while at BYU — his name was always popping up in big plays. He’s also a tough guy. Remember the Memphis-BYU brawl? Yep, he was involved there throwing haymakers. Also was caught taking cheap shots against Utah State. This tells me the guy has drive. He’ll go the extra step to intimidate his opponents. Would be a great fit for the Bengals.

GRADE: Definitely Not Ass

 

Brian Allen, CB, Utah

I’m always willing to take a look at a corner with a 40 time in the 4.4’s (Allen ran a 4.48), and Allen had decent production for the Utes with four picks — second only to Marcus Williams — and six pass break-ups. He’s a converted receiver and sort of rangy for a corner at 6-3, so you have to think he still has room to grow from a technique perspective defensively. He also has a daughter, who, according to a Scout.com story, he calls “Stinker butt, because when she was a baby she used to poop everywhere.” I was going to say hint of ass, but in light of this…

GRADE: Half Ass

 

Sam Tevi, OL, Utah

Tevi is a converted defensive lineman. Not sure how that usually plays out for other players but it seemed to work for him at Utah. His weakness, according to NFL.com, is he puts his head down while run blocking. Pretty sure putting your head down is only good if you’re an RB looking for extra yardage. Never heard it used positively otherwise. His profile lists another weakness as “way behind on his work against twists.” No word how he is against shouts, but probably some work to do there also.

GRADE: Pretty Much Ass

 

Stevie Tu’ikolovatu, DT, East High School, USC

According to the LA Times, this man left his wife and his dorm room at Utah to sleep in his car FOR A MONTH AND A HALF in LA before officially being accepted to USC as a grad transfer in search of more playing time. Have to respect the commitment, no question. And he made use of the playing time too, earning 2nd-team All Pac-12 honors this year as a DT. Nothing not to like about this guy, he’s getting the Unfiltered seal of approval.

GRADE: Definitely Not Ass

 

Joe Williams, RB, Utah

Joe Williams has already retired once from football. He came back to the U after the team had so many injuries, they had virtually no other options. He then proceeded to completely and utterly ball out, finishing the year with 1,047 rushing yards and 10 touchdowns. The Utes would have been completely lost in the run game without him. But that retirement decision will haunt him as teams question his commitment to the game. People forget he was also kicked off of UCONN for theft. That checkered past and questions about commitment lead me to give him…

GRADE: Pretty Much Ass

 

Hunter Dimick, DL Utah

Story time: We attended the 2016 Utah-BYU game even though we didn’t live here yet. Call it a trial run (really, that weekend was where the seeds were planted for Utah Unfiltered, if we’re being totally honest). Being astute observers of the game of football, we were quickly stunned by the difference in quality between Utah’s two defensive ends — Dimick and Pita Taumoepenu. Dimick was all over the field and was just so clearly the alpha of Utah’s defense that we immediately fell in love with him. Meanwhile, Taumoepenu lost contain on Taysom Hill roughly 542 times during that game and looked so consistently foolish that we started referring to him as “the terrible guy” since we had no earthly idea how to say his name.

~tldr: Dimick is awesome, we love him, and we will get him on the pod at some point.

GRADE: Definitely Not Ass

 

Pita Taumoepenu, defensive line/linebacker, Utah

According to the box score of the game described above, Taumoepenu had 6 tackles and Dimick had 1. In retrospect, we may have been a little intoxicated during that game. Nevertheless, we saw what we saw, and the number one rule of scouting is that you simply can’t ever let stats get in the way of your pre-determined conclusions about a guy.

GRADE: Total Ass

 

Taysom Hill, QB, BYU

The day we thought would never come — Taysom Hill is no longer a college football player. I’d call him Van Wilder, but since he goes to BYU, I suppose we should call him Van Milder. Thank you, we’ll be here all week. Make sure to tip your waitresses.

Hill fought through myriad injuries in his time at BYU and was extremely effective, especially on the ground as a QB. He ran an impressive 4.44 40, and claims that his elbow is fully healthy, but the thing is, by the time he touches an NFL preseason field, he will be 27 years old. Ask how being old AF worked out for guys like Brandon Weeden and Chris Weinke, who were measurably much better at throwing footballs than Hill. He’s gotten some buzz from people like Ian Rapoport, but frankly, I don’t see what the fuss is about unless you are planning to convert him to another position.

GRADE: Pretty Much Ass
Fish Smithson, DB, Highland High School, Kansas

Only made this list because of his name, which is awesome, and because he went to Highland High School up the road. He was All Big 12 the last two years, but in a tackling-optional league on a team that gave up 8 Billion points, I’m not convinced.

Also, nothing nice will ever be said about the University of Kansas on this blog. Ever. Under any circumstances. Even if there’s a fire.

Grade: Total Ass

 

Andy Phillips, K, (Ray)

Phillips makes the list here because you just can’t leave off an Aussie kicker. Ever since Louie Sakoda graced the U with his presence in the late 2000s, the U has trotted out some phenomenal kickers. But most have not fit the bill as an NFL-quality kicker. He made ALL 161 extra point attempts at Utah. CBS ranks him as the No. 8 kicker so it’s pretty much a done deal he’s not getting drafted, but you can probably expect to see him at some training camps. At least he’s better than a certain BYU kicker that missed 3 extra points his senior season.

GRADE: Pretty Much Ass

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